When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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