What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
