i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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