Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
