He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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