Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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