I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
