And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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