I wish I could teleport
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Randomize
