Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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