Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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