He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize