Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
