i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
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At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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