I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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