I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Boobs are out for the taking
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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