I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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