Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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