Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's blow job season.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
