If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
