Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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