Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
