Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
