I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
