her vagine was all disorganized.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
