i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
