so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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