its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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