Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you win again, gameday.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
