Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
