The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
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I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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