my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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