its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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