Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize