OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
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the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
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And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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