i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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