So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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