I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
