a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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