Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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