please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
