This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
