My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
