On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
