i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
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I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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