One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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