dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
