Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
