i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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