She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
