morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
