My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
