Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
