Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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