Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
