ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
