dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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