I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
