If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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