OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
