Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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