girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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