Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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